UPDATE :: You can watch the video of Stewart's appearance on Crossfire here.
---Original Post Below---
I got a bit of a traffic spike today, and it's almost all from people googling some variation of "stewart crossfire video." A post I wrote in July comes up pretty high in those results, so everybody's coming to Slapnose!
This naturally makes very little difference to me, except in a stupid, "I feel popular because Google is misdirecting people here" kind of way. Still, that's not bad. If even 1 out of 10 of those people sticks around on my site and buys like a thousand t-shirts, it could make a real difference in my life.
But that's not the point. Not the point at all.
The point is that these Google searches made me curious, as I so love Jon Stewart and I didn't know he was going to be on Crossfire. So I went and read the transcript of Jon Stewart's appearance on Crossfire today (this is what you're looking for, googlers), and DAAAAAAAMMN!! I can see why everyone is looking for this!
Normally reading transcripts of television shows is unimaginably boring. Especially of Crossfire, which is unimaginably irritating even when you can see it. But this transcript is different. This transcript made me laugh out loud at least 10 times. Hard. I was laughing and slapping my knee, and nobody's even here. I wasn't making a big show of it because there's no one to see me. It's just that funny.
It firmly solidifies Jon Stewart's position as my number one hero. I kiss him.
Go and read the whole transcript, it's totally worth it. He rips Tucker Carlson and Paul Begala fresh arseholes and literally begs them to have some journalistic integrity. It's really great stuff.
Some excerpts:
(LAUGHTER)
BEGALA: We have noticed.
STEWART: And I wanted to -- I felt that that wasn't fair and I should come here and tell you that I don't -- it's not so much that it's bad, as it's hurting America.
(LAUGHTER)
CARLSON: But in its defense...
(CROSSTALK)
STEWART: So I wanted to come here today and say...
(CROSSTALK)
STEWART: Here's just what I wanted to tell you guys.
CARLSON: Yes.
STEWART: Stop.
(LAUGHTER)
STEWART: Stop, stop, stop, stop hurting America.
BEGALA: OK. Now
(CROSSTALK)
STEWART: And come work for us, because we, as the people...
CARLSON: How do you pay?
STEWART: The people -- not well.
(LAUGHTER)
BEGALA: Better than CNN, I'm sure.
STEWART: But you can sleep at night.
(LAUGHTER)
STEWART: See, the thing is, we need your help. Right now, you're helping the politicians and the corporations. And we're left out there to mow our lawns.
BEGALA: By beating up on them? You just said we're too rough on them when they make mistakes.
STEWART: No, no, no, you're not too rough on them. You're part of their strategies. You are partisan, what do you call it, hacks.
STEWART: Now, this is theater. It's obvious. How old are you?
(CROSSTALK)
CARLSON: Thirty-five. STEWART: And you wear a bow tie.
(LAUGHTER)
(APPLAUSE)
CARLSON: Yes, I do. I do.
STEWART: So this is...
CARLSON: I know. I know. I know. You're a...
(CROSSTALK)
STEWART: So this is theater.
CARLSON: Now, let me just...
(CROSSTALK)
CARLSON: Now, come on.
STEWART: Now, listen, I'm not suggesting that you're not a smart guy, because those are not easy to tie.
CARLSON: You need to get a job at a journalism school, I think.
STEWART: You need to go to one.
And then this brilliant coup de grace:
STEWART: No. Why would it be harder?
CARLSON: Because you support...
(CROSSTALK)
STEWART: The only way it would be harder is if his administration is less absurd than this one. So, in that case, if it's less absurd, then, yes, I think it would be harder.
But, I mean, it would be hard to top this group, quite frankly.
(LAUGHTER)
(CHEERING AND APPLAUSE)
STEWART: In terms of absurdity and their world matching up to the one that -- you know, it was interesting. President Bush was saying, John Kerry's rhetoric doesn't match his record.
But I've heard President Bush describe his record. His record doesn't match his record.
I love that guy.
Almost as much as I hate those other guys.
