One of the benefits of being an anti-social misfit such as myself is the endless
entertainment in watching people behave like freaks. Because we're all freaks, and we
know it, we just hope no one is watching. But I am. So look out.
Beautiful Moment #1:
There's a guy who works in my building, I don't know where.
I see him quite often on the elevator or the stair. (uh-oh, rhyming)
He's gotta be the angriest looking guy I've ever seen. Looks like he's got LOTS of
bodies in his basement. Maybe it's because he's short, maybe he has hemorrhoids, I
don't know. But every time I see him, I say "Hi" or at least give the traditional
heterosexual male head nod, but to no avail. He's like an iron bar. Pardon the
expression but the rod up his butt has a rod up its butt. He's short, stocky, kind of
a Costanza, balding, with a bad beard, the kind that is all thin along the jaw line.
I hate those.
SO, anyway.. the beautiful moment:
One day, we're in the elevator, eyes on the floor or the little lights, both are
acceptable. He gets off at 2, I think, me at 4. So the doors open at 2, and WHACK! he
rams right into them. Not with his nose, but clips his shoulder on the opening doors,
kinda gives a little spin move, and huffs over to his office. He didn't look back.
It's not funny because he looked like an idiot, it's funny because the powers that be
cosmically slapped him and said, "Hey, man, cheer the fuck up or I'll throw you down
a mine shaft."
Beautiful Moment #2:
Went to see a band the other night. Zen Tricksters. Pretty much a Dead cover band.
They're good, but they're still a cover band. Not the point.
The point: There's a guy dancing in front of me, probably 35 or so, who knows. Also a
Costanza. Wearing an orange Krusty the Clown shirt tucked into his Wranglers, with
real serious Starsky & Hutch hair. He's a huge Dead fan, obviously. All kindsa
excited. That's wonderful.
But man, the only dance he knew was the twist, and he just twisted and twisted and
twisted. Got that one foot out with the toe on the ground, and just rotate them hips
boy, like your drying your ass with a towel.
And occasionally bust out with the Thane Glenn trademarked violent finger pointing.
What a sight.
Beautiful Moment #2b:
Same night, same band, different schmuck.
Everyone's dancing, having fun.. woo.. one guy who super power apparently was to be
REALLY drunk and still stand up, starts spinning around with his beer, and flinging
it on the crowd. Turns to the girl behind him and starts going, "Huh!? Huh?!" Like,
hey, isn't this great? But he's smacking her right in her boob while he's saying
this, so she's a little put out. She does the old, spinning finger thing to indicate
he should turn around. Then she grabs his head and physically turns it, though it
does not seem to have any effect on the rest of him. This continues for a minute or
so as he tries desperately to Dirty Dance with the girl, until Prince Frat Boy comes
over and intervenes. He installs himself between the offender and his damsel in
distress and savagely imitates the drunken flailings of the accused. This lasts about
as long as it takes the drunk guy to realize that the person he's dancing with now
has no breasts. (about 5 minutes)
So those are the beautiful moments for now. There are more. So many more. These could
be placed under the heading, "Sucks To Be You". There are others that could be "I
Wish I Was You" or even "Will You Autograph My Butt?" So accuse me not of only having
fun at others' expense. Or do, I don't care.
Here's the disclaimer...
The reason these moments are beautiful is not because people are embarrassed, or
drunk, or gangly, or clumsy, or have bad hair. It's because it's times like these
when we see each other's true humanity. The barriers come down and we can laugh at
each other and ourselves and see what weird, funky, ridiculous creatures we are. It's
not the point to make fun of individuals, it's making fun of all of us; of ourselves
most importantly. So don't be embarrassed, be yourself. Dance like the idiot that you
are.