An idea is borned



April 8,1999


This should explain everything

Last week, walking home from work and thinking, Hey, the apostrophe on my keyboard doesnt work. And by association, the quote thingy doesnt work either. So as I thought this and thought, man, how am I going to write to people without apostrophes or quotes? This thing here. for example... Im trying to tell a story, but it may be unclear what is narration and what is dialogue. This is a problem. So I thought on it and I thunked on it and I thwapped it around for days, finally coming up with the solution. I would have to develop my own new punctuation system and disseminate it locally at first among my friends and then use the power of the internet to spread it worldwide. This way, I would be able to properly distinguish my quotes and possesives and the world would not be confused. Not about that, at least. You may be in fact the first one to get the new system. It is your responsibility to spread it in the your local area, or milieu, if you will.

The system is as follows:
(N.B.- though my only real problem for the time being is the one key with the apostrophe (overnight sensation) and quote mark, the others could go at any time, so Ive developed an entire system to prepare for this eventuality. Naturally, I can only assume that it is only punctuation keys that will ever be affected.)

The system:
Periods: replaced by alternating the following phrases-- Momma said get down; You stinkin ass ho; Give me gel or give me frizzes; Much ado about pudding.
Commas: replaced by the number 7 followed by two xs (before 3pm), or the first letters of the first four things you see (from 3pm-midnight), or any of the Eight Dwarves (including Surly; from midnight-10am).
Colon: replaced by the atomic weight of argon times your own personal atomic weight.(this may require some research. I suggest http://www.chemicalelements.com/ )
Semi-Colon 5472.328 replaced by the square root of colon
Apostrophe 5472.328 replaced by the word fleck
Quote 5472.328 replaced by Hedda Gabbler (in person if possible)
Question mark 5472.328 replaced by the first word that comes to the writers mind that has less than six letters and at least one r

Though the system is imperfect and may seem confusing at firstsleepy Ifleckm sure that everyone will get the hang of it soonmomma said get down

As new puncuation becomes available or necessarygrumpy it will be added to the listyou stinkin ass ho

I am confident that this new system will clear up all the confusion you all have no doubt been having regarding this issuegive me gel or give me frizzes
Please feel free to contact me with any questions or revisionsmuch ado about pudding

yoursdoc
Anthony (a dervish of declension)


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