you know, it's really hard to get back in the habit of writing these things. the pressure, it's, it's, unbearable. so many attentive eyeballs out there. waiting, waiting. just sitting there, staring at irradiating CRTs, waiting for me to fill their lives with joy and.. would meaning be overstating it? let's say not. with meaning. some of you, i won't mention any names, truly DEPEND on this for their sanity. the responsibility is something i wouldn't wish on my dentist.
so, i struggle. i sit here, and it's hard. so i thought, who can help me with this? sometimes, last issue for example, inspiration comes from my friends, (i forgot to mention the last issue was dedicated to her royal coolness herself, denyse), but you know, i thought this time i'd seek professional advice. so, by jeeves, i asked jeeves. "jeeves," i said, "how do i write an amusing yet insightful column for my friends?" and boy did he have some advice!!
First suggestion:
Where can i find Friends episode guides?
-this led me to the astoundingly fascinating "did you know" section of "the ultimate friends page", filled with morsels such as: "did you know" The first line of dialogue in the very first pilot episode of Friends was "There's nothing to tell."
that's amazing!! it's really no wonder that show is so popular. with dialogue like "there's nothing to tell".. i mean, come on, where's the pulitzer?
Second Suggestion:
Fun Canadian Links!!
i don't know how you could be expected to choose, but a sampling:
Canadian Lottery Updates (
http://fox.nstn.ca/~nstn2997)
Canada Rocks the World (
http://www.geocities.com/SouthBeach/1708/Canada_eh.html) be sure to take the "am i canadian?" quiz
Cuisine Canada (
http://www.foodserviceworld.com/cuisine/) including such tidbits as "why we call ham bacon"
Canadian World Domination (
http://www.standonguard.com/) shit! man the battle stations!
so far this has had no effect on my ability to write an effective column. i give it one last try:
HOW TO SPEAK AND WRITE POSTMODERN (
http://www.santafe.edu/~shalizi/how-to-talk-postmodern.html)
well, this one really helped. be regaled:
to effectively entertain, nay, recreate, an aggregation of neo-somnambulists bent on a predominant concept of subconceptual narrativity, one must be sure that if precapitalist
desublimation holds, we have chosen between Marxist socialism and textual theory. the subject is interpolated into a precapitalist
desublimation that includes sexuality as a totality. the ramification is jocoseness and delectation nonpareil.
there.. now that's more like it.
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| copyright 2000 |
| Anthony Hecht |
| anthony@slapnose.com |
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